You don't have to be here for this
by bellamyandclarke
Summary: (I might change this in the future.) What if it was Clarke, not Raven, who went to Bellamy to forget Finn and for comfort? (Set during/after 1x07.)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of The 100, and I'm grateful to those who do for creating this universe and story. Reading bellarke fanfics has been helping me get through a difficult time in my life, and I hope that my fanfic will bring some enjoyment to people's lives. :)**

…

**Author's notes:**

I thought I'd give credit to some of what inspired this. (I might change this section this later since because links don't seem to carry over into the document referencing others is turning out to be harder than I thought.)

1. A quote from _Our Souls, They Blend _By BlackRavensWing (on this site)/blackravenswing (on another site) that I saw in post #253 by the user Maud&Danny in the

'Rebel Leader | Brave Princess {BellamyღClarke} #7: "He has an unspoken faith in her [Clarke's] perspective" - Lindsay Sperling'

thread on fanforum. Here is the quote (I'm requoting it from the story):

"'Look. I know you need to be the light.' He leans forward impulsively, wrapping his palm around her knee. 'All the reason and the compassion and the goodness - it's what you're made of. So I'll be the darkness. I'll be all of it. Every kill, and merciless decision. Every war and bomb and grenade. Every whip lash in a torture room. I'll do it all, for as long as you need - for as long I'm here. I'll be the monster, so that you don't have to be." -_Our Souls, They Blend_ by blackravenswing.

2. _Young Blood_ by LauraRobin. Warning: this has an "Explicit" rating where it's posted, but I absolutely loved how the author was able to include physical intimacy while still retaining tension between Bellamy and Clarke.

...

"You don't have to be here for this, Clarke." Bellamy said, he was sweaty and his breathing was heavy. Torture was hard work.

Clarke looked up at him at that, she hadn't pegged Bellamy as a particularly empathetic guy-and let's face it, he was in the process of torturing another human being-and so when beating the grounder didn't work Clarke was surprised that Bellamy wanted to spare her the sight of whatever he was going to do next. _He must have seen me turn away when he hit the grounder._

"I'm not leaving until I get that antidote," She responded. Bellamy nodded at her. _This is on me, Bellamy waited for me to ok this before he began. Does this mean he trusts my moral compass more than his own, or did he just want to absolve himself of the responsibility for torture?_

It was Octavia who finally ended the torture, risking her own life to do so. Later, as Clarke removed the large screw that Bellamy used to pierce the grounder's hand she was distraught. _What have we done? What have __**I**_ _done?_ Octavia took her place in cleaning the grounder's wound, as he was fighting Clarke's attempts to do so.

She walked outside, caught up in her guilt. _We had to. Finn would have died otherwise. Finn…_ She missed Finn desperately, but seeing Raven scream that Finn was all she had as she tortured the grounder only solidified Clarke's resolve to let him go. She had only just met Finn whereas he was Raven's everything. Raven had risked her life to come down to the ground. She looked down at her hand, hating herself. It was then that Bellamy walked up to her, taking the bloody screw from her her hand, his fingers grazing her own.

"I'm a torturer, what have I done?" She was shaking, and to her surprise Bellamy placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I was the one doing the torturing Princess, remember?" Bellamy said, attempting to comfort her.

"I told you to do it."

"I would have done it anyway, it was what I thought needed to be done to save Finn's life." His voice was firm, reassuring.

_Finn…_ Tears came unbidden to Clarke's eyes, brought about in part by what they had done to the grounder, and in part by almost losing Finn to poison and then losing him to Raven. She began to shake, and would have collapsed to the ground if it had not been for Bellamy, who gripped her shoulders then, steadying her.

"Clarke? Clarke, it's okay." Bellamy sounded uncertain and worried, not used to her being this way, and not knowing what to say. He led Clarke into his tent as it was closer, thinking that it would not be good for morale for the others to see her break down.

She was in a daze as he sat her down on his bed, sitting down beside her. "Look, it really is on me. And the grounder will be okay, he was tough, he will heal. As will Finn."

Clarke looked at Bellamy and saw him as if for the first time. He had the grounder's blood on him, and he was sweaty, his hair a mess. _He is strong. He did what he thought needed to be done to save one of our own. And now he would take the burden of what we did together onto himself to spare me the pain of being a torturer._ She leaned against him, cautiously at first, then, when he didn't move, she let the weight of her torso fall against him. He stiffened at first, surprised, but then he put his arm around her. _He smells so good._ She suddenly took his hand in hers, running her small pale fingers through his larger and darker ones. He turned to look at her then, his eyes dark and inscrutable.

Something took hold of Clarke then. Clumsily, she pressed her lips against his, not thinking of the consequences.

_What is she doing_, Bellamy thought at first, but then those thoughts were replaced by the sensation of her lips against his. She was not skilled at this, not by a long shot, but he felt his whole body respond. _I want her._ It was all he could do to gently pull away from her.

"Clarke, you're not being yourself. I'm not one to turn a woman away, but with what happened to the grounder and what happened to Finn, and between you and Finn…" he looked at her knowingly. "I don't want you to regret this." _I don't want to be something you regret._ Bellamy was not used to feeling this way. What he did with girls hadn't been a big deal to him down here, but suddenly it was and it left him confused.

Clarke was embarrassed. _He doesn't want me. _She was blushing. _I'm an idiot. _Wordless she stood up to leave.

Bellamy saw her embarrassment, he knew if he let her walk out this would never again happen between them. He took her hand in one of his and closed his other hand around her forearm, preventing her from leaving and looked up at her, not knowing what to say, only knowing that he didn't want her to leave.

"I'm not one to turn a woman away," he repeated, clumsily, feeling himself pulse with desire for her and no longer caring if she only wanted to use him to get through her pain, caring only that she could be his for this one time.

"Then don't," she said shyly.

It was all Bellamy needed to hear.

What followed was so different from what she experienced with Finn. She let go and let herself be his. _Bellamy's. _He was at once intense and rough, yet also tender, and at times he looked into her eyes with such need that it gave her chills. At the end of it, Clarke was pleasantly worn out, her legs weak with a sweet warmth spreading through them. Bellamy rolled off her and lay on his back beside her, breathing hard. They stayed like that for some time, both afraid to speak and end what happened between them. After a while sleep took them.

...

Bellamy woke up first, and noticed how peaceful Clarke looked as she slept. A stark contrast to her near-breakdown yesterday. He had an urge to hold her tightly against him, to keep her safe and to shield her from the harshness of life on the ground. Bellamy was surprised at how he was feeling, but he found he liked it. It made him feel more like the man he wanted to be.

He reached for her tentatively, but then pulled back. Uncertain of what she would want. _She was not herself yesterday. She might regret all this when she wakes up._ The thought was painful. Bellamy knew what Clarke had shared with Finn, just as he knew how all that changed with Raven's arrival. _Snap out of it_ he told himself as he got up. Bellamy was determined to be gone before Clarke woke up, to give her time to process what happened and to decide what it meant to her. Perhaps he was also afraid of seeing regret in her eyes when she first looked at him.

…

Clarke woke up alone in Bellamy's tent, relieved not to find him there and thinking of Finn. _What have I done?_ She was filled with regret, and a fear that she would not be able to interact normally with Bellamy and that the group would suffer for it. _Oh, what am I thinking, he does this all the time, it won't be a big deal to him._ She took a deep breath and walked out, hoping not to run into Bellamy.

During her radio conversation with the Ark, Councilman Kane mentioned the existence of an old emergency aid depot. With winter coming and their lives at risk, it was important to go there and see if there might be any supplies they could use and if, as Chancellor Jaha had pointed out, the depot might provide shelter for them. Clarke realized how important this was, and that she couldn't go alone. She needed to take someone who she could trust, and who was strong in case they ran into grounders. With Finn injured, that only left Bellamy. _Bellamy._ Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Might as well get this over with_ she thought, as she walked out to look for him.

…


	2. Chapter 2

…

Clarke found Bellamy on the lower level of the drop ship, talking to Octavia. Octavia looked upset and turned away from them. _Bellamy must not be letting her go up to see the grounder._

It was then that Bellamy turned and saw Clarke, he looked angry and sad at first, but that was soon gone and Clarke found him looking at her in a way that made her remember what they had done and blush. He smiled at her. It was not an innocent smile. Clarke swallowed, glad that they were not alone. Still, as he walked up to her she thought he moved to take her hand. Clarke took a step back and began telling him about the emergency aid depot and how they needed to go investigate it. He nodded and told her that he would go and get his stuff. _Well, that was not so bad._ Her relief was short lived as Bellamy cornered her when she was on her way to check on Finn. He stood so close to her that she had to tilt her head up to look at him. She felt his fingers lightly brush her hand. His touch brought back memories that gave her chills, and she shivered. _He must have felt that_, Clarke thought as she saw Bellamy smirk and step even closer to her, their bodies almost touching. Clarke felt dizzy, unable to form a coherent thought. _My body is betraying me._

"Bellamy stop. Someone will see." Clarke managed to say. She was surprised when he stepped back and gave her space. She hadn't expected him to give in so easily. She took a deep breath and began to speak.

"Look Bellamy, I really enjoyed… our time together. I was a mess yesterday, and you gave me comfort. Thank you for that, but I really hope that what happened will not make things weird between us. I hope that like with the other women you've been with down here that we can go back to interacting normally." His expression was unreadable.

"Like it never happened?" He asked.

"Yes." She said, relieved that he took it well, but also somewhat disappointed. _Well, it's not like he doesn't do that a lot. I was just one of many._

…

It was all he could do not to let her see how disappointed he was, and the way his body had been surging with desire for her all morning did not help. Still, he was not going to let her see him weak, especially not when she just rejected him. He wasn't used to that. Lately he was the one to turn girls away. _Not like it matters, I will be gone before long._ Bellamy thought that if he was going to stay then it might have been worth it to fight to win her to be his, to prove to her that she was different. But he couldn't stay, not with people from the Ark coming down. He might not have killed Jaha, but he was sure that they were going to kill him or at least imprison him for trying. Bellamy wasn't going to let that happen, and running was the only option he thought he had.

Lost in thought of what he might do after he left camp, Bellamy followed Clarke into Finn's tent. Raven was there with him. He saw the way Clarke looked at Finn… and the way Finn looked back at Clarke. _I wonder if Raven sees it._ Clarke was telling Finn how he needed to rest.

"I'll tie him down if I have to." Raven said. Bellamy smirked at that, he had been thinking of things he had done to Clarke and wanted to do to Clarke all morning, and Raven's comment only helped him along. Then he saw the look on Clarke's face and wished he could stick around and make Clarke look at him the way she was looking at Finn. He was confident that he could. _What does she see in Finn anyway? I wonder if he had been her first, and if that's the reason she's so into him now. _Bellamy found himself imagining what it was like to have been Clarke's first. _It's almost as if I had been, she is so inexperienced. I could make her forget Finn._

"Bellamy?" Clarke's voice brought him back.

"Yes, Princess?" He saw her rolling her eyes at the nickname.

"Let's go." She walked out of Finn's tent and he followed.

He put aside his thoughts of Clarke when he saw Octavia. He wanted to go and say goodbye to her, but thought that it would be too painful and that she might try to talk him out of leaving. _She hates me anyway._ He turned and followed Clarke.

…

They had been walking through the woods for a while. She found herself feeling strangely safe with Bellamy walking close behind her.

"Getting tired yet?" Bellamy asked her. "I could carry your pack for you if you like." _He's being weird. _

"I'm fine." Clarke said, seeing this break in their silence as an opportunity to once again raise the issue of the impending arrival of more people from the Ark and what it meant for Bellamy.

"Maybe Jaha will be lenient." She started to speak, but he cut her off, reminding her of how he shot the Chancellor. Clarke wanted to say more, but she felt it would not be of use now. So she decided to lighten the mood and ask Bellamy something she had been curious about all day.

"So, how was I?" She blushed and hoped she wouldn't need to elaborate. Luckily he seemed to know just was she meant.

"Inexperienced." He said, as he turned to look at her. She was disappointed.

"But I'm willing to help you learn. Right now, if you like." The way he looked at her as he said that gave her chills, but she found herself tongue-tied. After a period of silence he spoke again.

"What do you see in Finn anyway?" She didn't really know how to answer that, and thinking of Finn just made her think of Finn and Raven.

...

_I shouldn't have asked her about Finn_, Bellamy thought as he saw the pain on Clarke's face.

"You know that Finn prefers you to Raven, right?" He didn't really like Finn, but he was leaving, and he didn't like the idea of Clarke being sad.

"What?" She said.

"Finn wants you. Trust me. It would not be hard for you to take him from Raven." _I wonder if the fact that she hasn't done so means she doesn't want Finn as much as she thinks she does._ That thought made him wish he didn't have to leave.

"I barely know Finn, but he is Raven's everything. I can't destroy their relationship." Bellamy found himself admiring her for that. He wanted to jokingly tell her that he had no relationships to destroy, but then they found a door.

…


	3. Chapter 3

…

Clarke tried as hard as she could to open the door that they thought led into the emergency aid depot. It would not budge.

"I think it's rusted shut." Clarke said. Bellamy used his hatchet to break through, and together they lifted the door, beyond which stairs descended down into darkness.

Clarke was about to make her way down the stairs when Bellamy put his arm in front of her, blocking her way.

"What do you think you're doing?" Clarke was indignant.

"We don't know what-or who-might be down there. I should go first." Bellamy explained.

Clarke raised her eyebrow at him.

"Did having sex with me make you think I'm weak? You offered to carry my pack before too. I can take care of myself you know." She said. Bellamy looked exasperated, then his expression changed.

Suddenly, he put one of his hands behind his back and advanced towards her. The intensity in his eyes startled Clarke. She started to back away, but he closed the distance between them fast and grabbed her wrist.

"Bellamy! What are you doing? Stop this!" He said nothing, his expression was unreadable. Clarke tried to break his hold on her wrist, he did not let go.

"This is silly, let go of me. If you want to go first so badly, you can." He remained silent, and tightened his grip on her.

"Ow! Let go of me now or I'll hit you." Seeing her exclaim in pain, Bellamy loosened his grip slightly, but still held her. She hit him in his stomach. He grunted but did not let go. She kicked him, he did not seem to feel it. She tried to step on his foot but he moved it out of the way. _Well, I guess I will have to fight dirty._ Clarke tried to knee him between his legs, but he turned, and did something that tripped her and then she was falling. It seemed to her that he held her up slightly as she fell, not letting her feel the full force of the impact as she hit the ground. Then, suddenly, he was on top of her, and he now held both of her wrists in his one hand. His weight was holding her down. There was something dark and dangerous in his eyes. Clarke didn't think he would really hurt her, but she was instinctively anxious and her heart was beating faster. Bellamy looked at her for a while, silent. Then he finally spoke.

"Well, go ahead Princess, take care of yourself." That made her livid. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of winning. And with his body on top of hers, she could feel his arousal.

"Feels like you're the one who needs to take care of yourself." She said, slightly thrusting her hips up against him to let him know she felt his excitement, hoping to embarrass him. Instead Bellamy gave her a dangerous look, moved his other arm from where he held it behind his back and ran it up her side. She trembled. _He won't do anything to me, he's just trying to make a point._ Bellamy leaned down, his lips almost touching her ear.

"Looks like I can do anything I want to you." Bellamy said, his voice low, aggressive. She could still feel his hardness pressing against her.

"Okay Bellamy, you've made your point. You're stronger than me." Bellamy still didn't move. _What else does he expect me to say?_ "If there was a male grounder down there, he'd likely be stronger than me too." Clarke continued, hoping her admission would make him let her go.

"That's not how real fights end, if I were a grounder, what do you think I'd do to you?" He sounded like a stranger as he thrust hard against her.

"Bellamy, you're scaring me." She said, her voice shaking. His expression changed and he got off her quickly then.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away." He responded, offering her his hand to help her up. She refused it and got up on her own.

"I wasn't going to do anything to you, I hope you know that" he looked embarrassed as he continued, "me being excited that way is not something I can control being as close to you as I was."

"This is not something you would have done before we…" She left the rest unsaid.

…

"No." Bellamy agreed. _She's right, but so what, it's not like it's not normal that the same physical boundaries aren't there after people have sex._ He kept that to himself, knowing it's not what she would want to hear. Plus being that close to her filled him with desire. He still pulsed with excitement for her and he wanted his mind clearer before they went into the depot. Talking about the sex they had would not help that, and what if they did run into something or someone dangerous down there? They were silent for a while, and then he started to make his way down, relieved that she waited for him to be the first one to descend.

Their flashlights provided a dim light, but it was enough to see that Emergency Aid Depot #23 was a mess. There was an old corpse on the stairs, and water was leaking through the ceiling. _Still, it's possible this place will be warmer in the winter than the dropship, and if not maybe I can hide out here for a time. At least that water looks clean._

"So, why do you want to act like we never had sex?" Bellamy asked Clarke. He knew that she wouldn't appreciate the question, but since he would be gone soon he didn't care. He wanted to know. When she didn't respond, he continued.

"Did you just not like it? Surely I was better at it than Finn?" He sounded uncertain as he said it. _Maybe I'm not as good at it as I think I am, Finn must have had a lot of practice with Raven. It's not like I had girls throwing themselves at me back on the Ark._ Clarke laughed.

"Bellamy, you were great. Physically you were better than Finn."

"Physically?"

"Yes, physically." She said. Bellamy wanted her to say more.

"Well, why do you want to pretend like we didn't do it then? Why wouldn't you want to do it again?" _I must sound pathetic asking this, but if I get an answer it will be worth it._

"Bellamy, it's just not what I want. I'm not looking for a purely physical thing. And why do you care anyway, it's not like you have a shortage of partners."

"What are you looking for?" Bellamy asked. Clarke sighed, but to his relief she kept on talking.

"I want love, commitment, companionship. All those things. I thought I might have them with Finn in time, but…" She sounded so sad that he had an urge to hold her, to comfort her. _I want those things too_, he thought, _I want to be someone's companion, I want to take care of someone, to keep her safe._

"And you don't think I'd be any good at that?" He asked. She seemed genuinely surprised by his question.

"You're being really weird, Bellamy. I don't know how good you'd be at that, you seem to be very committed to your sister so that's something in your favor. But is a relationship something you even want? Just how many of the girls have you slept with down here? Your behavior doesn't exactly make you look like relationship material."

…

"I guess not." Bellamy replied, and Clarke thought he sounded sad. She wondered if she should say something else to him, but then she found blankets and told Bellamy of her discovery. His reaction took her aback. He started to rage at the lack of supplies, raising his voice and kicking over a barrel.

"Oh my god," she suddenly heard him say with wonder, all the rage gone from his voice. When she walked up to him he was holding up a gun and grinning.

Finding the guns changed Bellamy's whole demeanour. Suddenly he was energetic, excited.

"This changes everything. No more running from spears." He said, his voice animated.

"Ready to be a badass, Clarke?" Bellamy asked as he drew a target on one of the blankets and ate another of the nuts that were part of the rations which they brought with them.

Bellamy seemed almost shy as he stood near Clarke. He touched her lightly, and as he was telling her how to hold a gun he was clumsy with his words. Clarke found that endearing. _First he holds me down and thrusts against me and now he seems too shy to properly show me how to use a gun._ She didn't know what took hold of her then, but she leaned back against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He stiffened.

"What are you doing?" He asked her, confusion in his voice.

"I figured if we were going to replicate the cheesy scene from pre-war movies where a guy stands behind a girl as he teaches her how to use something, we might as well go all the way." Clarke was giggling, wondering if he was going to say that leaning against him did not constitute going all the way. _What __**am**_ _I doing?_

"I haven't seen any of those. I didn't grow up privileged like you, remember?" His response made Clarke want to change the subject.

"How come you know how to use a gun anyway?"

"I was a cadet for a time." He responded.

"For a time? Trouble taking orders I'm guessing?" Clarke asked him playfully.

"No." Bellamy answered grimly. "I got Octavia discovered. They imprisoned her, floated my mother, and-" She put her hand over his then, wanting to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Bellamy."

"Nevermind." He said, stepping away from her and picking up a gun.

"Watch and learn," he said, aiming at the target.

Clarke found shooting to be unexpectedly exhilarating. She was having fun. Bellamy seemed to be enjoying himself as he watched her, but something was off about him as well. _I wonder if he is thinking of what was done to his family on the Ark. _Clarke wondered.

Later, they were discussing how they would keep guns around camp and who would have access. As Bellamy was talking, Clarke realized that Bellamy was planning to run. _So that's how he's planning to deal with the new arrivals from the Ark._ Clarke suddenly felt lost. _I have to make him stay, there has to be another way._ She confronted him about what she thought he was going to do.

"I don't have a choice, the Ark will be here soon." He said with resignation.

"So you're just gonna leave Octavia?"

"Octavia hates me, she'll be fine."

"You don't know what-"

"I shot the Chancellor! They're gonna kill me, Clarke. Best case scenario they'll lock me up with the grounder for the rest of my life, and there is no way in hell I'm giving Jaha the satisfaction. Keep practicing, I need some air." He walked out.

Clarke found herself feeling strange, and then suddenly she was back in prison on the Ark and her father was there with her.

The hallucination was wearing off just as Dax hit her. It was not long before she regained consciousness. _Bellamy._ She picked up the gun and staggered outside.

She saw Bellamy on his knees, his face wet from the rain, or was that tears?

"Please, kill me. KIll me! I deserve it. Please..." His voice was trembling. _He must be having visions._ Clarke watched Bellamy continue to talk to his hallucinations and then Dax hit him, knocking Bellamy to the ground and pointing a gun at his face. He took a shot, but the bullet was a dud. Bellamy was not reacting. _I have to do something. I can't let him die._

Not long after she was behind a tree, with Dax shooting at her. Bellamy tackled him then, hitting him, but Dax was strong and Bellamy was not at his best. Soon Dax was choking Bellamy with the gun.

"Get the hell off him!" Clarke ran up to Dax, only to get hit and get knocked down. But that was all the time Bellamy needed to end it.

As Dax was bleeding out, she crawled to lean against a nearby tree. Intense pain was radiating through her side. Bellamy stumbled towards her, his face bloody. He put his hand on her knee protectively and sat down beside her.

"You're okay." Clarke said through heavy breathing. She was relieved.

"No, I'm not."

"My mother… if she knew what I've done. Who I am. She raised me to be better, to be good."

"Bellamy…"

"And all I do is hurt people. I'm a monster." He was crying.

Clarke didn't know how to react, it was so unusual to see him like this. She wanted to comfort him, but she simply didn't know what to say, so she took his hand at first, squeezing it gently in hers. He didn't react. She began to touch his face, wiping his tears away, and before she knew it she was kissing them away. His blood was on her face now, but she didn't care. She was so glad he was alive, and seeing _him_, with the act he put on in front of others stripped away made her see him in a new light. _He is a good man._ She was about to kiss his lips when he pushed her away, somewhat roughly.

"Stop this." Bellamy said, to Clarke's confusion. She felt the pain of rejection wash over her, but the look on his face made her feel like she needed to reach him.

"Bellamy, you're not a monster. If this is about the radio, you didn't know. You tried to fix what you did when you learned."

"They still died. Because of me."

"And we have survived because of you." He looked at her then.

"What do you think would have happened to us if you weren't down here? Do you think people like Murphy would have listened to me? You're strong Bellamy, and you've kept us alive. We need you. I need you. Please come back with me." She was pleading with him, her voice full of emotion.

"Jaha will kill me for what I did."

"Maybe not, the Chancellor can pardon people. Once he knows of all that you've done for our survival, he may well pardon you."

"He had your father floated. Do you think he will care about anything I did here?"

"Even if he doesn't care about that, he will care who wanted him dead."

…

_The Princess has a point._ He almost wished he hadn't stopped her from kissing him before. But what was the use, he didn't want to have physical intimacy with her again only to have her later tell him that she wanted to act like it never happened. The one time he wanted to have something meaningful with another person, he was wanted only for physical comfort. _I suppose I deserve it._ Bellamy thought, remembering the other girls who he suspected wanted more from him than he was willing to give them.

"And hey, I wasn't as useless in a fight as you tried so hard to prove I'd be." Clarke said playfully.

Bellamy figured she was just trying to lighten the mood, but what she said made the feelings he felt when he saw her in danger, the feelings that made him snap out of whatever was happening to him flood his body again. Instinctively he pressed her against him, thinking of how he would prove to her that he was someone who would take care of her and keep her safe, that he was someone she could trust. _It might take time, but she is worth it._

It was then that they saw the acid fog coming.

…


	4. Chapter 4

…

Clarke was still hurt from when Dax hit her, so Bellamy picked her up and carried her back into the depot just as the acid fog was falling on them. Clarke felt her eyes and lungs begin to burn, and then Bellamy closed the door to the outside. They were both coughing.

"There is water farther down there, we have to wash this off." He said, and made to pick her up again to carry her.

"It's okay, I can walk." She said with some pain in her voice.

She was relieved that the water was still clear. They both stood under it, the water washing away the residue of the acid fog.

"That was close." She said, as she looked at Bellamy. His hair was wet and he slicked it back, reminding her of what he looked like on their first day on the ground. The water was washing the blood and tears from his face, though the cuts remained and she suspected there would soon be bruises. She raised her arms to better rinse out her hair, and grunted in pain.

"Are you okay?" Bellamy sounded concerned.

"Dax got me pretty hard, but I think so."

"Let me see."

Clarke lifted her shirt, suddenly shy in front of him.

"May I?" He asked. She nodded.

Bellamy was very gentle as he touched her, and despite the coldness of the water his hand felt warm.

"Doesn't look like anything is broken." He sounded relieved. Then, wordlessly he started rinsing out her hair for her.

"Thanks." She said, he didn't respond.

Soon they were clean, but their clothes were wet and cold.

"I'm guessing you're not mad about the blankets anymore." Clarke teased Bellamy, who had turned around as she was stripping off her wet clothes and hanging them up to dry. He did the same, though Clarke was not so polite and watched him as he undressed. It was not the first time she noticed how well-built he was, but after everything that they just went through she found herself feeling somehow differently about it, about him.

"I guess we should sleep," Bellamy said as he lay down, "hopefully by the time we wake up it will be daylight and the fog will be gone." He closed his eyes, not waiting for a response from her. Clarke was so cold, suddenly she remembered the warmth of his hand as he touched her and wished she could be close to him.

"Hey, Bellamy?"

"Yes?"

"Nevermind." She didn't feel comfortable asking him, remembering how he pushed her away when she made to kiss him earlier.

"You're really going to be shy after everything we've just been through?" He asked.

"Maybe." She said, dwelling on his rejection of her and not wanting to experience it again.

He groaned and muttered something to himself.

Clarke tried to wrap herself more snugly in the blankets and sleep.

…

As he watched her try to sleep, Bellamy wished so much that he could take her in his arms, but he didn't think that she would want him to, and if she did it wouldn't be the way he wanted her to want him. _Still, she's shivering…_

"Clarke?" He asked.

"Hmm?"

"You seem cold, do you want me to make a fire for you?" Bellamy asked.

"Huh? Is that even safe? What would we burn down here, and where would the smoke go?"

"I suppose you're right." He said, and she seemed to sigh with irritation and glare at him.

"Did I do something wrong?" He was confused.

"No, you didn't do anything." She said, her tone somewhat acid.

_What is going on?_ He got up and sat beside her.

"Come on Clarke, don't do this. If I did something just tell me so that I can fix it."

"No, but you can keep me warm if you like." She said. _This is weird_, Bellamy thought, but he really wanted to hold her, to keep her warm. He hesitated, remembering how Clarke said that she didn't want something purely physical. It was suddenly really important to him that their physical interaction was not just physical, and that she came to see him as someone who was interested in and capable of more. Still, she was shivering, and Bellamy felt he couldn't risk her getting sick.

"Nevermind." She sighed, turning away from him.

…

It was so hard for her to work up the courage to ask him to hold her, and when she did, he did nothing. _Why does this bother me so much, it's just Bellamy. He probably just got bored with me, it's not like one woman has been able to hold his interest for long down here._ She thought, hurting all the more. Then she felt him lie down behind her. He lifted her blankets carefully so that his body was positioned against hers, she felt so relieved yet also somewhat disappointed when he deliberately placed a generous amount of material around his hips. He felt so warm against her as he wrapped his arm carefully around her and placed his hand on her stomach, spreading out his fingers so as to cover more area. She relaxed against him, grateful for his warmth, and soon they were both asleep.

Bellamy was still asleep when she woke up, his breathing was slow and steady and Clarke could feel the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck, finding that she rather enjoyed the feeling. His hand was still on her stomach, and she found herself placing her hand over his, intertwining her fingers with his own. _I feel so safe with him like this._ She realized it was not a feeling she really experienced with Finn. _And why should I, Finn is just a boy, he wasted all that oxygen because he wanted to go on a spacewalk, and I don't remember him feeling any guilt about it._ She remembered how torn up Bellamy was the night before, how he thought he was a monster and how he begged to be killed when he was hallucinating. She tenderly ran her fingers over his. Bellamy might not be perfect, she thought, but he was a man. He was willing to kill the Chancellor to protect his sister, he did so much to build their camp and to organize the others, he even tortured the grounder to save Finn's life. _And he wanted to spare me the sight of it._ She found herself admiring him, but also feeling sad that he was not really interested in relationships. _Still, even in this he might be better than Finn, who slept with me so soon after we landed even though he had to know it was possible that Raven would eventually make it to the ground. I'm such an idiot, why was I even upset over Finn? He is not worth it._

…

Bellamy woke up to Clarke caressing his fingers, it was such a nice feeling, but the fact that she was doing that left him confused. He found himself wanting her so badly. She was so close. He almost kissed her neck, it was all he could do to control himself. He realized that if this went on for much longer he would lose his self control. He felt he had to prove to her that he wanted more than just sex, so he made himself get up.

"Morning Princess, I'll go check if the fog is gone." He said, disentangling his hand from hers and getting up to get dressed.

…

Clarke did not bother to watch him. _He sure got bored with me fast. _She thought with sadness, recalling how only yesterday he seemed interested. The memory of his body against hers excited her, but she pushed that memory down, knowing that dwelling on it would only bring her pain.

"All clear." He said as he returned. "Go ahead and get dressed and I'll go get some of the guns to bring back to camp with us." He didn't wait for a response.

…


	5. Chapter 5

…

The journey back to camp was uneventful. Bellamy insisted on carrying nearly everything, and Clarke, still in pain, didn't bother arguing with him though his behavior confused her. _Who is he trying to impress?_

As they were walking back, Clarke started thinking aloud about the ways they should deal with the guns in camp. She was worried about possible accidents, but more than that she wasn't sure everyone could be trusted with a gun. After all, some of them had been imprisoned for violent crimes. She wasn't really sure how to organize everything, and because she felt tired, in pain, and hurt by Bellamy's apparent loss of interest in her, she didn't have her usual energy and determination. _Let him deal with this._ Clarke thought, tired.

…

Clarke's tiredness was not lost on Bellamy, and he felt concerned for her. He was still feeling the effects of the injuries he sustained during his fight with Dax, but despite that he was determined to carry back most of the stuff so that Clarke wouldn't have to. Bellamy wanted to show Clarke that he was someone she could depend on, that he was the sort of man she would want to be her man, though he was also determined to be himself as he wanted her to fall for the real him. All this was new to Bellamy, who never had a proper relationship before. Back on the Ark, Octavia had been his priority, and he couldn't let anyone get too close to him. Down on Earth he suddenly became popular with the opposite sex. Bellamy knew that his newfound popularity was in large part because of his status as a leader, but he enjoyed it all the same. It was intoxicating at first, and he certainly had a lot of fun. But the novelty had worn off pretty quickly and Clarke had made him want more than that. He wanted her to be his, he wanted to take care of her, to be someone she trusted. He liked how she brought out the best in him. The desire was there too, but it was different with her as it was not purely physical and was tied up in and enhanced by his feelings for her. Still, Bellamy remembered how Clarke said she didn't want something purely physical, so as much as he wanted to express how badly he wanted her he resolved to hold back until he could convince her that he wanted more than just a physical connection. _This is going to be hard._ Bellamy thought as he looked at Clarke and felt himself start to get aroused. He made himself focus on what she was saying.

As Bellamy was listening to Clarke's worries about the guns, he was thinking of how to resolve the issue. It was something he would have done anyway, but seeing how worried she was motivated him all the more. He really wanted to be able to take away her worries, to make it possible for her to let go of her concerns and let him take care of the situation. _She seems so tired._ Bellamy thought, worried for her.

…

When they finally arrived in camp, they were quickly surrounded by the others. Apparently the grounder had escaped during their absence, and people were afraid he would return and bring other grounders with him. Bellamy began to speak then, and Clarke couldn't help but be aware of how how strong he sounded when he addressed the others.

"Let the grounders come. We've been afraid of them for far too long. And why? Because of their knives and spears? Well I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being afraid." She and Bellamy showed them the guns then. The astonishment and excitement of the others was palpable.

Clarke figured she should say something on the responsible use of guns, but Bellamy continued speaking.

"Not everyone will get a gun. Clarke and I will decide who can be trusted with this responsibility, and it will be up to the people entrusted with guns to keep track of them." Clarke found herself looking at Bellamy with admiration, and he looked back at her briefly. _It is a good solution._ She was grateful to him for coming up with it. Her emotions must have been written all over her face, for as she was looking over the crowd she found Finn staring at her. He looked jealous. _What right does he have to look at me like that?_ Clarke was indignant. Then she saw Raven and found herself feeling bad for her. Clarke sighed and chose to focus on Bellamy's voice instead.

"Tomorrow we start training, and if the grounders come we're gonna be ready to fight." Bellamy finished. Clarke was about to thank him when one of the girls who had frequented his tent in the past ran up to him and threw her arms around him. _Figures._ Clarke did not want to watch them, so she turned around and walked away.

…

Bellamy pushed the girl away and cursed mentally as he watched Clarke walk away. Still, he felt good because he noticed how Clarke looked at him as he was speaking and he felt he did his job in sorting out the gun situation to her liking. _Hopefully this means she can worry less now._ Satisfied, he went to talk to Octavia. It was then that he heard Clarke's voice.

"Bellamy! It's time." She called out to him.

…

Clarke didn't really want to interact with Bellamy, not after seeing him with that girl. But they needed to talk to Jaha together. She thought carefully of what she would say, as Bellamy's life depended on it and she strongly felt that he deserved to be pardoned.

"Mr. Blake, I've wanted to talk to you for some time now." Jaha said. Bellamy looked at her then. _He looks so vulnerable._ Clarke wanted to do this right. _This is it._ She began to speak.

"Before you do, uh, I...I'd like to say something. When you sent us down here, you sent us to die. But, miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part that is because of him. Because of Bellamy. He's one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us." She briefly looked at Bellamy as she was speaking, and when she did she found him looking back at her with warmth in his eyes.

"Clarke, I appreciate your point of view, but it's not that simple." Jaha responded.

"It is, if you want to know who in the Ark wants you dead." Bellamy said as they had agreed he would. Jaha looked thoughtful, and after an all-too-long, anxiety inducing pause during which Bellamy briefly gave Clarke a nervous glance Jaha spoke.

"Bellamy Blake, you're pardoned for your crimes." Bellamy and Clarke both smiled then, relieved. "Now, tell me who gave you the gun." Jaha continued.

After their conversation with Jaha was over, Clarke looked at Bellamy. He was smiling. _He looks so calm, and ugh he has such a sweet smile._ Bellamy met her gaze.

"Clarke… thank you for speaking for me. And for thinking up this plan in the first place. You may well have saved my life. And… it just means a lot." Bellamy sounded sincere, but he spoke awkwardly, his usual confidence was not there.

"Everything I said is true." Clarke replied, somewhat formally, recalling the night before, when she said similar things with more emotion in her voice, and again feeling the pain she felt when Bellamy pushed her away as she made to kiss him.

"Thank… thank you for seeing me that way." Bellamy said, as he looked directly into her eyes, his voice full of emotion.

"Yep. Well, I should go check on Finn now." Clarke replied all too abruptly.

...

Bellamy was confused. _Why is she so distant?_ Suddenly he wondered if Finn was the reason, and felt jealous as he wondered why Clarke liked Finn so much. Bellamy felt lost at the prospect of Clarke wanting someone like Finn, as that's just not who he was and not who he would ever be. Bellamy's jealousy drove him to follow Clarke and stand close enough to Finn's tent to hear them speak. He didn't care that Finn thought badly of him, but when Bellamy heard Clarke say she trusts him he couldn't help but smile.

Clarke exited the tent then. She took one look at Bellamy, made an irritated noise, and started walking away fast. He was confused, and was about to let her walk off when he saw her making for the wall. _Is she seriously going to go outside alone?_ He went to pick up a gun and then made to follow her, closing the distance between them.

…

Part of her knew it was stupid to go outside the camp, but she really needed to be alone. And walking itself was making her feel good, it was helping her forget Bellamy. That didn't last long however as she soon heard footsteps behind her.

"Clarke! Wait!" _Him._

"What do you want Bellamy?" He looked hurt.

"It's not safe out here, you shouldn't be alone." He replied. _Why does he even care? Well, I suppose he is grateful for my help in getting him pardoned._

"What if I want to be alone?"

"You should at least have taken a gun."

"Fine," she said, "give me your gun and leave." She extended her hand towards him, but he did not move.

"Do you want me to hurt Finn for you?" Bellamy asked.

"After I spent all that time fixing him up? Also, Bellamy, you think this is about Finn?! You're an idiot." He looked at her with confusion in his eyes.

"Wow, you really are clueless." Clarke said.

"Please just tell me what's going on."

"Forget it." Clarke started walking off, but Bellamy reached for her, grabbing her forearm. She trembled at his touch, it brought back so many memories. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't take any more rejection, but she also wanted to be near him. So she just stood there, uncertain, doing nothing. He moved closer to her then. She still did nothing. Suddenly he was so close to her that she could feel how warm he was even though they weren't touching. She briefly glanced into his eyes and turned away. Bellamy dropped his gun then and pulled her hard against him. _Oh…_

"I am an idiot. I was trying to show you that I was interested in more than just sex. I guess I'm not very good at this relationship stuff. Forgive me?" _What?!_ Clarke was stunned into silence. But she felt Bellamy's heart pounding as he held her against him.

"Bellamy…" She said softly, unable to say more. He cupped her cheek then and turned her to face him. She felt herself melting as he looked into her eyes. He kissed her then. He was trembling, and he was so tender. She felt her legs get weaker and heard herself moan softly into his mouth, at which he started kissing her harder, more urgently. She felt how aroused he was, and pulled him against her.

"Clarke…" His voice was low and his breathing heavy. To the extent that she could think, Clarke thought how similar this was to what they shared before, yet how at the same time it was also so very different.

…


End file.
